My Highs and My Lows

I live with chronic pain everyday. It has become part of me. As time goes on, I get to know it more and more. I've accepted it and have given up on doctors... for now. Was that a good decision? I don't know... it is all very confusing to me. I was tested many times for different things. Sometimes I wonder if the doctors even know how to help me. It feels like a guessing game. It is very frustrating because it is such an ongoing process, without any progress. On the other hand, what if I can get better... what if they eventually find something wrong with me that can be fixed. Should I give up or keep searching for an answer? I spent two years looking for an answer and was eventually diagnosed with fibromyalgia and lupus. Sometimes I feel sad... sometimes I feel hopeless and depressed, but I know that, for my own well being, I need to keep going. I don't want to live a sad and unhappy life anymore. More than anything, I want to be happy. I try to stay positive, despite my pain. I've learned a lot about myself, through all the suffering. I've learned that I am important, even though I never thought I was before. I've learned that I actually like myself.

Chronic pain is a horrible thing to go through. Yet, even so, I would have never wished for anything different. I've learned to appreciate things, in life, that I have never really paid any attention to before. I now look around at the small things in life.. like the changing colors of the leaves in the fall, the blue clear skies, squirrels running out of the trees, low pain days, and realizing I can do anything with the rest of my life as long as I try. I am so happy to be alive and have the opportunity to get to know myself, even more, for the rest of my life. I've felt sadness for so long, now it is time to be happy.

Things that help me stay positive:

• my boyfriend - someone positive to talk to
• nature
• hobbies
• listening to music
• reading positive quotes
• expressing myself through blogs and YouTube
• exercising

It took me 30 years to realize that I am important and now I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life. Can you relate? What are some things, in your life, that make you happy?